I Really Am

After months for being hiatus I decided to make a post again in the end of the year. December again. Though I don’t get exactly hyped about December but there’s still my special birthday on it. To be honest if someone asked what month I love the most I would very proud to say December. Because December is the holiday time. Everybody loves holiday either me. Though I don’t really like getting old in my birthday but still December is good. But since I became a college student and our holiday is not in December I started losing reason why do I have to love this month. By the way still I want to say happy late birthday to me. I wish I can be a better or even the best person of me.

Anyway, I have wanted to post for a long time ago. Especially when it was closer to my birthday. I usually post something to reveal my feelings. But that was different. I got a logic reason to not post about birthday. It is because I don’t want anyone remember about it. You know, there’s a tradition when you are on your birthday your friends will slap you on the face. And the worst is they will ‘ceplok’ you. Things about throw eggs, flour, and etc on you. Even worse they add some gross things such mud, dirty water and the others eewww things. I seriously avoid this thing even though I always get excited when it comes to my friends. I’m the one who make a scheme. Muahahaaha.

But since that day was my birthday I started treat em better. Buy foods for them when they asked me to. It doesn’t matter how nice you are they wouldn’t let you go free. I didn’t even realize they were luring me to the trap. Then someone smashed an egg on my head. It was hurt like crazy. I really wanted to curse them but that moment was confusing even for me. I just couldn’t do anything but made a weird smile. The lessons is don’t ever trust your friends for not pranks you on your birthday. Even they promise not to because you have treated them, I’m telling you it’s not a guarantee. You’ll see soon they will still trap you. That’s why I’m no longer get along with birthday.

Well, soon enough we’ll move to another new year. Who’s getting excited? I always get excited because new year means new wishes. Though sometimes our new year’s wishes are not always happen but still we do wishing. I always want to have a better life. Doesn’t mean I don’t like my life now but everyone wants to be better. I wish next year I could reach what I really wanted. And also I could be what I wanna be. Anyway, I’m working my new draft now. Actually it’s been awhile but I still can’t finish it. You know when you write something you need good and right times to do it. I often get distracted by other activity. So, I become lazy to receive the inspiration. Besides, I rarely read novel these days. It made me run out the words to type. I usually getting distract by the words I want to type. I often doubt is it the right sentence or not. Like that made me successfully give up and doing others stuff than determine to finish it.   

        

Months ago I send my draft to enter a competition. I got in the best 20. When I first knowing the announcement I was hyped. I even bow and pray right away. But perhaps God knows a better plan for me. I didn’t get through the finale. I didn’t exactly regret it. I’m still thankful it can encourage me more to making a good story. At least they appreciate what I did. They sent a piagam and two novels to reward me. From that time I know what I’m doing is right so I will continue with that. To tell the truth I really want to live my dreams just like the others did. Maybe I could be a novelist. Or something good that I and family could proud of. But the important for me is to travel around the world. It’s like obsession for me. Grow more under my skin that I can’t send it away. But somehow I know that I could do that.

Last night I saw Agnes Monica concert on TV. Somehow I envy her for many things. For singing very well. For energy that she has. For dancing great. And the most envious thing is she can live what I dream. She travel many country that I effin want to go. But I understand she become a great person because her works hard. Everyone can success if they try and works hard. I know I’m not hard enough to get what I wanted. And I wish I could start over new next year.

Another dream that hasn’t come true is taking official course of Korean language. I know I should learn it on my own for beginning. But I’m the type that has to be pushed to do something. Even to do something I like. Example when my lecturer gave me an assignment to repair my bad mark. He didn’t mention the limit time to do it. The result is I don’t even do a single page. That’s why I’m the type to push about anything. So back to the topic, if I’m taking a course it could push me to learn more. You know, like you are schedule to go to school everyday. You always end up doing it even you don’t want to. Discussing this with myself, I think I should targeting when will I finish my draft. And when I will send it to the publisher.

Before I’m getting confused about what I write I should get over this. I wish I could keep update this blog next year. Many wishes, eh? I know you are too. Have a bless end year :)